


Technoblade goes on the Austin Show

by Welp_uwu



Category: Austin Show, Hypixel, Lunch Club, SMP live, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Crack, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:46:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25942321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welp_uwu/pseuds/Welp_uwu
Summary: King Burren and MichealMcChill keep nagging Austin to invite Techno to the show, and Techno always declines. Even when tempted with views and subs, he keeps declining it. This time, however, Techno finally says yes.Just a crackfic I felt inspired to make. Jesus Christ this is gonna be my first fic on ao3.Discord: https://discord.gg/RCk3n7NW
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade &; Minecraft
Comments: 17
Kudos: 84





	Technoblade goes on the Austin Show

king burren and michealmcfuck kept askinng for the poor bacon man to go on the Austinf shoe. Every day there was another recommentation for him to be on it. And austik was not oppised at all to t he idea. Technoblde kept refusingn to the different offers thrown at him like boomerangs. “tje content would set fire to your channel, itd be the talk of the month!”  
“minecraft championShips does that anywayfor me, austin.”  
“think of all the new subs!”  
“for a romance show? Give me an offer I cant refuse.  
“how about we invite your friends? Probably less pain for you and more ship fodre for rhe fans!”  
hm. I shall think abut it.’  
“thank you kindy god technobmade.”

14 days later, and techno finally sends another texr

“O have to do it evetually anyway.”  
“OMG Thjank you gjfjdnxbdjsn.”  
Chill this ain’t for you.”  
“Ill ignore the shade, i’ll set it up for next sabduday.’  
“I live in the shadows, rajj of course I throw shade.”

Jajj tweets out about it and people are super hyped for the chaos hog to be romance man.

Techno was trying to pog through the pain.

Wibur got offered to be a contestent easily, considering his tendencies to be flirty, gay, have nice quis, and be good friends with techno.  
jshat was offered it next, considering his influence on the community and his knack for personas, and just the genral dynamic that have.  
Niki was invited for wholesomeness and just-  
yes.  
Minx was invited because she’s a classic Austin Show contestant, and it will help with the schlatt dynamc  
There were other girlst thst existed but nobody cares about them.

Needles to say, this was gon be a strange austin show.

It was the day of, and the blade was thinkignof no-showing. He had to do facecam, he wasn the type of youtuber to just *have* a favecam. So he boight a dollar store webcam, but it was blesses by god himslef, so it was one of the mist high quality caneras around.  
Now came time for the sho.

“Ladies and genderless, welcome to the rajjchelor featuring the one and only, TECHNOBLADE!!!!1!1!1!1!  
‘helloooooooo”  
“so, wats gonna be happening today, 10 people have been selected for you, and al the end of every round, you will choose eho to get out of the shiw. But there is a twist! each of them chose love or host, which means you have to chioce well who to get out of your show.l  
Then each person was introdiced one by one. (I know normally the people introduce themselves, but shut up)  
“WILBUR! Today he’s come to the show, you know him well, but do you know him well enough?’  
“What the fucj wilbur y”  
“You know if you’re doing something, I always want to be a part of it, my sweet piggy friend”  
“jesus this is gonna be a longn show.

The next person coming on the show... is katerino! Wait no it says that it’s actually finnster dressed up as a girl...”  
“I really don’t know how I got here, techno. Please just kill me already.  
Thechnkopade just facepalms and sighs

Then he introduced 4 actual e-girls and skeppy whi also was counted as an e-girl by techno’s standards, they all seemed pretty cringe. Techno kida spaced out during that part, then the next contestant caught him off guard.

“Now, welcoming, JSCHLATT, you guys all know him, the main man, we can never tell if he is gay or not, thTs just how ir foes! *god hes so hot just look at him*”  
“Y tho”  
Jslut just shrugged.  
“fair enough, I guess.”  
“Time to welcome arr last two contestants, Nihachu and Minx, two ploar oppisites who like queer bois.”  
“sup niki”  
“hey niki, how’re you today? :)”  
“hi techno, hey wil, I’m doing well thanks for asking”  
“Do I not get a HELLO??”  
“no, you don’t. saud techno bluntly  
“fick you then imma simp for jbitcch this whole tome then.”  
“I don’t want you euther!” yelled j.  
“EVERYONE CALM DOWN”  
“b r u h you’re the losest one said one of the egirls

Im te host of this show so I don’t count. Okay, so now we get into the first discussions, why should you become techno’s lover.”  
“I never really said i was bi but o k.”  
“Shut up you’re a minecraft you’re a minecraft youtuber. That means you like men and women. You have known that for some time now, but kept it a secret from your friends and fans because your fans are homophobic. Your fans are homophobic.” wilbur said with absolute ease.  
“HOW DO YOU HAVE THAT MEMORIZED?!!” said minx  
“ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯”  
“Did I come here just to get bullied by romance and social occasions?”  
“i’m sirry techno!”  
“niki you’re chill”  
“moving om, why shiuld he pick you?”  
“I’m a horny bitch” said e girl one  
“you seem nice and I am nice too” said e girl two  
“look I just came here for fun, and you seem fun.” said e girl 3  
“I got here techno because of a sub goal.” said e girl 4, who happened to be finn  
“bruh am I even an egirl? also techno TECH ME YOUR WAYS BITCH” said e gril number 5, which happened to be skeppy  
“you know me, technoblade, you know me” said jschlatt  
“look I came here for the power and cluot, I mean, I already have a plastci gun to overpower tommy with, but I just want more, tenchno, MORE” said wilbur, who soulded relatively insane :)  
Look I don’t have anything to give you, I just wanted to hang iut with you guys uwu” said niki, babey  
‘I wanted the clout honestly.” said e- girl 6  
“I am a tsunderr with a humiliation kink, that’s why” said minx  
“none of you sound appealing at all. And niki is a chill fluffy babey friend. Well I do know jschlatt, that is true. And wilbur makes music pog.”  
Then he eliminated e girl one.  
As the show went on, chaos and anoyance and anxipusness happened. One of the e firls aske d if he was a viging, if he ever had a partner before, and if he’s ever had literally any romance.  
In ordr, he said yes, no, and I ama minecraft god who spends all day indoors sweating against people on the populat hypixel stuff and also bullying nerds, you knos fhe answer.  
Afte aliminatong the most easy ones, it came down to jchlatt, wilbur, e-girl two, and niki. Minx got elliminated because pissgorl chose love and shes dumb, He decided to call dream to ask him his opinion.  
“hey dream, what should I do?”  
“hello simp, Idk, I justsweat minecraft too, I have no idea how this stuff woks.”  
techno was getting really anxious by now because ir was endgame and he don’t know romance at all  
so then he called tommy and buloied him with wilbir for a bit to get his mood back.  
“Okay, techno, who do you choose?”  
“Ehhh- uh, idk hiw to romance. imma just-“

Then he commited genicide and felt much better.

“WHAT THE FOCK?!” said tommy.  
“eh, romance just insint for me, I guess.”  
“b r u h” said tommy  
“fair enough, I guess’ said tubbo.

“okay imma go practice for mcc, byeeeeee”  
“my god techno.”  
then he went on his computer and commited tryhard.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp this is a thing now.
> 
> Poor bacon man. He shall be forever along because he is bad at romance. 😔🥓 🥺🔪 poor bacon man commiting genocide on the austin show because bad. 
> 
> Have a nice day everyone and I’m sorry you had to read this.


End file.
